B
believenolies
Guest
I almost never even visit this section of the forum, but for whatever reason decided to today. Never intended to post here, but reading some of the other members' questions got me thinking about my own life.
Here's the deal in a nutshell: I'm 39, single, female, never married. Never even really been in a relationship. While there have been times that I wanted to be in a loving relationship, I have never, ever had any desire for sex. Ever.
Needless to say, I've never had sex, and don't care one bit. I don't crave it or think much about it at all. But that doesn't mean that I've never been "in love" or felt any attraction toward members of the opposite sex- just that I don't desire that specific part of a relationship.
This leaves me confused about what God expects from me. I am perfectly happy being single most of the time. But sometimes I wish there was someone special in my life. To make matters worse are those who pile guilt trips on (mostly women) Christian singles who aren't married, because we're supposed to "be fruitful and multiply!"
You can't marry if there's no one for you to marry! The closest I ever came to marriage was with a creepy guy who, in spite of being a so-called Christian, stalked, belittled, and tried to control me. He also nearly raped me. I didn't love him. I didn't even like him. But my mother became friends with him and kept encouraging him to hang around me. I was terrified of him!
Also, up until just a few months ago I was a full-time caregiver to my mother, until she passed away. I believe I was doing what God wanted me to do- take care of her. Had I been married, that wouldn't have been possible to the extent that I did it.
So what would you think, if you were in this situation? Am I meant to be single, or if "the right person" comes into my life (as if!) would marriage be wrong for me, since I have virtually no sexual desire? It would seem to be unfair to a partner, wouldn't it?
Here's the deal in a nutshell: I'm 39, single, female, never married. Never even really been in a relationship. While there have been times that I wanted to be in a loving relationship, I have never, ever had any desire for sex. Ever.
Needless to say, I've never had sex, and don't care one bit. I don't crave it or think much about it at all. But that doesn't mean that I've never been "in love" or felt any attraction toward members of the opposite sex- just that I don't desire that specific part of a relationship.
This leaves me confused about what God expects from me. I am perfectly happy being single most of the time. But sometimes I wish there was someone special in my life. To make matters worse are those who pile guilt trips on (mostly women) Christian singles who aren't married, because we're supposed to "be fruitful and multiply!"
You can't marry if there's no one for you to marry! The closest I ever came to marriage was with a creepy guy who, in spite of being a so-called Christian, stalked, belittled, and tried to control me. He also nearly raped me. I didn't love him. I didn't even like him. But my mother became friends with him and kept encouraging him to hang around me. I was terrified of him!
Also, up until just a few months ago I was a full-time caregiver to my mother, until she passed away. I believe I was doing what God wanted me to do- take care of her. Had I been married, that wouldn't have been possible to the extent that I did it.
So what would you think, if you were in this situation? Am I meant to be single, or if "the right person" comes into my life (as if!) would marriage be wrong for me, since I have virtually no sexual desire? It would seem to be unfair to a partner, wouldn't it?