Responsible vs. Irresponsible Parenting: A Quiz!

[HeyHomie]

In another thread, a Christianity Today article is mentioned in which the writer states that she went to a childfree website and took a quiz to see if she were a bre- ... a "B-word."

I found that quiz, and it is, unfortunately, full of vulgarity and hostility. So I won't post it or link to it here. It also contained some wisdom, though.

To have some fun, I've decided to re-write the quiz, removing the vulgarity and the hostility, and add a few questions of my own invention. And to make it really cool, I've added point values to each question, so it reads like so many of those self-assessment quizzes like you might find in Cosmo or People.

The quiz follows in the next two posts. Please tell us what you think. Also, I ask our lurking parent friends to let us know how you did! And if you agree or disagree with anything in the quiz, let us know that, too.


And please, everybody, let's not get offended over this. This is a strictly tongue-in-cheek exercise that's meant for giggles and maybe some thought-provoking and discussion.

 

[HeyHomie]

ARE YOU A RESPONSIBLE PARENT?

1. You had kids so you'd have an excuse not to work.
50 Points

2. The idea of teaching your kids right and wrong and accepting responsibility for their actions is a foreign concept.
100 Points

3. You give your child some trendy, soap-opera-based name or a traditional name with absurd spelling (i.e. Katie becomes Kadee, Cadey).
2 Points

4. You feel threatened by the Childfree movement.
50 Points

5. You think strollers should be allowed everywhere.
2 Points

6. You have ever used the phrase "my baby daddy."
200 Points

7. You "un-school" your children.
10 Points

8. You have ever let a child die in a hot car because you "forgot" about him/her.
1,000 Points

9. You spend more time online than you spend with your kids.
200 Points

10. You think you need software to protect your kids from pr0n on the net because you don't want to waste time actually monitoring what they do on the net.
50 Points

11. You have ever sent an e-mail or a letter, or have signed a petition, calling for a TV show to be removed from the air because it is inappropriate for children.
20 Points

12. You feel that any criticism of any parents or children is a specific attack against you personally.
25 Points

13. There was ever a time when you weren't sure who was the father of your baby.
200 Points

14. You have ever advocated the position that people of your race/nationality/culture/religion/political persuasion need to have more children in order to prevent your group from becoming a minority.
50 Points

15. You had a baby because you thought it would be a cute science experiment ("a little bit of me + a little bit of spouse = let's see what happens! tee hee").
50 Points

16. You let your child make all the decisions in life, because you actually think that children are smart enough to make adult decisions.
80 Points

17. You feel that a woman's role is to be a mother, and you need a child to give you an identity.
40 Points

18. You have no identity outside your reproductive status, which is obvious from your online screen names such as: Momof4, Kayleesmommy, bigmomma, etc.
2 Points

19. Your email or community signature mentions your child(ren) and/or EDD (estimated due date).
1 Point

20. You ever joined a Childfree club or community and then flamed them.
30 Points

21. You insist there is no such thing as overpopulation.
10 Points

22. You refuse to even think about adoption, because children up for adoption aren't "perfect" and aren't your own DNA.
25 Points

23. You have ever assumed someone is a parent.
1 Point

24. You have ever assumed someone isn't a parent because they criticized a child or parent.
10 Points

25. One of your children has ever been to the emergency room because of the "discipline" you provided.
1,000 Points

...Continued in next post.

 

[HeyHomie]

26. You ever had a fit because someone was having a childfree wedding (or other party) and you were furious your child wasn't invited.
50 Points

27. You have ever brought children to an event that was specified as a childfree event.
100 Points

28. You buy your children anything they point at, because, after all, you want them to have everything you didn't have.
200 Points

29. You are or ever have been on public assistance to feed your children, and yet you still find money to buy cigarettes and/or beer.
100 Points

30. You use your religion to try to coerce other people into having children, or use your religion to condemn Childfree people.
50 Points

31. You want everyone within earshot to know how much of a "sacrifice" you are making for the "good" of your child(ren).
2 Points

32. You have more children than you can afford and expect all the government aid you can get.
200 Points

33. You take your children into non-G rated movies (and other child inappropriate places) because you don't want to be bothered with a baby-sitter.
75 Points

34. You have ever taken a small child into a non-G rated movie and then complained that it was too violent/sexy/etc. for your child to see.
10 Points

35. You can't understand what movie (or TV or video game) ratings mean.
90 Points

36. You have ever assumed that, because it's a cartoon, it must be for children, and then complained about the content of an adult-oriented cartoon such as Family Guy or South Park.
50 Points

37. You defend your child(ren)'s behavior no matter what, often with the phrase, "He's only a CHILD". You will take your child's word over anyone else's, believe your child tells no lies, and will claim your child never does anything wrong.
100 Points

38. You have ever brought your children to an event such as a family picnic or a church dinner and then stopped supervising them, assuming that the other adults at the event will keep an eye on them for you.
100 Points

39. You have ever belittled, threatened, taunted or assaulted an official or an opposing player, coach, or parent at a child's sporting event.
200 Points

40. You have ever left a child under the age of 13 at home alone overnight.
500 Points

41. You have ever left a 4-year-old and a 2-year-old alone in a hotel room while you went to have dinner.
1,000 Points

42. You have ever left a 4-year-old and a 2-year-old alone in a hotel room IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY while you went to have dinner.
1,500 Points

----

SCORING

0-4 Points: Congratulations! You are a responsible and socially aware parent, and have the undying admiration of the Childfree community (which is just what you wanted, we're sure)!

5-9 Points: You are prone to letting your parenthood lead you to occasionally making minor and forgivable errors in judgment. It's all good!

10-49 Points: You have some issues that you need to work on, and may want to re-think some aspects of your approach to parenting and/or your attitudes about your own role in society.

50-499 Points: You are the textbook definition of an irresponsible parent. You would do well to take a serious moral inventory, and perhaps seek professional help, to understand you and your children's roles in civilized society.

500-999 Points: You deserve to have the state authorites take your kids away from you.

1,000+ Points: You probably belong behind bars.

 

[Rembrandtfan]

This is hilarious. And of course, it doesn't reflect all parents. But sadly, irresponsible parenting has become the trend nowadays. Children are not being taught that sometimes there disappointments in life and that sometimes they need to delay gratification to acheive something better for the future. Kudos to the parents who do teach this, you are in the minority. Many households nowadays are centered completely around the children to the point that spouses don't make time for each other, and it is the children who ultimately suffer for it when the marriage falls apart. And then the parents can't figure out why their children act out and they blame each other and the rest of the world.

 

[snoochface]

I would love to take this from my mother's point of view. I suspect I know how she'd score.

Great quiz, Homie!

 

[invisiblebabe]

haha, awesome

 

[shaslove]

I like these:

1. You had kids so you'd have an excuse not to work.
50 Points

6. You have ever used the phrase "my baby daddy."
200 Points

and this one:

42. You have ever left a 4-year-old and a 2-year-old alone in a hotel room IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY while you went to have dinner.
1,500 Points

 

[mina]

this is hilarialous!!!!! I teach 1st grade and I see so many of these examples everyday, but on a much seedier level, which is extrememly sad.

 

[HeyHomie]

I would love to take this from my mother's point of view. I suspect I know how she'd score!

Well, here's how some of the parents I know scored:

My father and his wife: 101 (points for Questions 10, 23 & 36).

My younger brother and his wife: 4 (points for Questions 3 and 18)

My stepbrother and his wife: 75 (points 3, 11, 18, 23, and 26)

My stepsister and her husband: 451 (10, 23, 24, 26, 27, 35, 36 and 38).

My own parents (I was raised mostly by my mother and stepfather): 0 (Not suggesting that my parents were perfect; just that they didn't score any points on this list).

 

[Amélie Unbound]

My parents would score 312. But really, the quiz didn't have enough questions. My parents did lots of crazy things that weren't even mentioned.

Off the top of my head, here are some suggestions for additions to the quiz, based on my own upbringing:

43. You threaten to kill yourself in front of your child.

44. You hide your husband's gun in your child's bedroom closet to prevent your husband from killing himself with it.

45. You bring your child with you while driving around looking for your missing husband in the middle of the night (on a school night), and when you find him at another woman's house, you make your child climb a tree so she can peer in the window and tell you what they're doing.

46. You irrationally accuse your 14-year-old daughter of seducing and having sex with her father.

47. You beat up your child's mother while your child is in the next room.

48. You don't notice when your child stops eating completely for an entire month.

49. You buy your daughter a diary for her 10th birthday, and you make a big deal about how it locks so that no one but her will ever be able to read her most secret thoughts. A month or so later, while your daughter is over at a friend's place, you pick the lock, read the diary, phone your daughter up at her friend's place and tell her to "get home right now" because she's "in big trouble". When she gets home, you shout at her, lecture her, and berate her because she wrote in her diary that she had a crush on a boy in her class. You accuse her of wanting to fornicate, and then you end the whole episode by shouting, "Sex ruined my life!" and dissolving into a fit of uncontrollable weeping.

 

[sparassidae]

Hey I got no points Not that we are perfect.....

But as a parent who can't stand strollers, trendy/misspelled names or "mommy identities" I think questions 3, 5 and 18 should have been worth more points

 

[Rembrandtfan]

Oh, Orchard, I'm so sorry no one deserves that

 

[snoochface]

Big to Orchard.

 

[snoochface]

I want a hug smiley that doesn't look so happy all the time.

 

[Amélie Unbound]

Thanks. I hope I didn't sound like I was feeling sorry for myself, because I wasn't... in fact, I can think about all that stuff without feeling any emotion about it anymore. Some of it is actually quite humourous if I look at it objectively. I mean, what the $%^& kind of parent hides a gun in their 10-year-old child's closet?

And these are the same people who now want grandchildren! lol!!

To be fair, both of my parents are a lot better now. I actually get along with both of them now, because they've settled down a lot.

 

[bluebug83]

Orchard, that really does sound horrible But I'm glad to hear things are better now. And I REALLY can't blame you the least bit for not wanting kids!

 

[JulySheMustFly]

I got 4 points. I scored points for the name Jayden and for having used my children in my siggie, avatar or e-mail.
*Off to quickly try and hide my avatar pic.*

 

[Amélie Unbound]

I got 4 points. I scored points for the name Jayden and for having used my children in my siggie, avatar or e-mail.
*Off to quickly try and hide my avatar pic.*

I don't think Jayden counts. In fact, I seem to recall reading in a baby name book that it's a Hebrew name, isn't it? I like it, anyway.

Okay, now you're all probably wondering what Orchard was doing reading a baby name book, so I'll explain. Over the years I have tried writing fiction (but gave it up because I'm not very good at it... I lack the imagination required to come up with good story lines), and I used a baby name book to come up with names for my characters.

 

[snoochface]

I don't think Jayden counts. In fact, I seem to recall reading in a baby name book that it's a Hebrew name, isn't it? I like it, anyway.

Okay, now you're all probably wondering what Orchard was doing reading a baby name book, so I'll explain. Over the years I have tried writing fiction (but gave it up because I'm not very good at it... I lack the imagination required to come up with good story lines), and I used a baby name book to come up with names for my characters.

That's a good idea. I wish I had the creativity to write fiction, too.

 

[JulySheMustFly]

I don't think Jayden counts. In fact, I seem to recall reading in a baby name book that it's a Hebrew name, isn't it? I like it, anyway.

Okay, now you're all probably wondering what Orchard was doing reading a baby name book, so I'll explain. Over the years I have tried writing fiction (but gave it up because I'm not very good at it... I lack the imagination required to come up with good story lines), and I used a baby name book to come up with names for my characters.

Pheww . . . alrighty I got 2 points.