Is It OK to Go on≥..

My life is changing. Im working on healing, actually digging in, opening, or looking to open trap doors. Thus the doors are unlocking, or Im looking to try a new tool or find new tools, be committed to finding new tools. Being aware that I don't want new tools, I want the past, I don't want to dig in the present for an unbalanced future. Part of me wants to stay in the past. Stay in denial. A lot of what I work on is exercise work for Preliminary bending. Im trying to turn stone into clay then water. Im stone, I need to be clay before I can be workable. Its humiliating. I wont tell anyone about this. What about my image of greatness and the fact that I know all things. What will I do if my subjects find out.. What!, they already know!. I will have to wear a grocery bag over my face for the rest of my life.

Im hurting. I have to go into myself , or do things with out triggering the pain.

God is with me and running this deal.

Im on the defensive, the world doesn't like me because I don't worship it or like it. Those fakes and liars that talk but don't back anything up get exposed when Im around. Its just my presence. I think they are getting tired of me and want to Shish Kebab ...me.

I have to be willing to let go and let God. I have to be willing for change, for new people places and things.