is the only left to do is laugh, sometimes i stop and think is it really that serious that im goin thru ths, for some strange reason i stop and think its not that serious, but i get sad again and the pain returns, this world is too cruel and i dont wanna be apart of it anymore, im sick of hearing bad news, im sick of knowing that my skin color is considered inferior, that Trayvon has no justice because to the world and media he was just another black boy walking around with a hoodie, to them zimmerman is justified in shooting him because he was suspicious because trayvon smoked marijuana, this is a cruel, sick, racist world, and i will never know why God put me here, sometimes i wonder if he is even real, why does he sit back and let things happen that are so evil and cruel, how can i take a step and cry out for your help and you not answer, i wake up the next day feeling the same way. i have lost all direction in my life, no one understands me, i dont wanna be a doctor anymore, im not giving 4 years of my life to a field where i'll just encounter cruel people who have a great chance of being a doctor because they are smart and know how to do well on the mcat, but deep down they are cruel and could care less about others, even though they put on a facade like they do.i really and truly dont wanna exist anymore. i would like to have a child one day, but the pain in this world outweighs the good times, should i bring a child into the world, thats born in sin, and may not be chosen by God to be saved, who will suffer the pain of this world and see that this world is a very DARK place, i cant protect him or her all the time because it will only make them weak. life is nothing but a big pool of whys.maybes, but, and what ifs. i dont want any part of it anymore. i cant find peace no matter where i go, i cant ignore God because i will have no help, but when i try to go to HIm, im faced with nothing, as if he doesnt care, he will not help. i wish i was NEVER BORN never conceived, i wish God never thought of making me when he made the world. he could have saved me the trouble, heartache, and pain. LIFE IS BITTER, EVIL, AWFUL, UNFAIR, TERRIBLE, INTENSE, FALLEN, UNRELENTING, LOWDOWN DIRTY