Sometime around age 18, I started to lose my religion (Roman Catholic). By age 20, it was nowhere to be found. During summer break from college, my girlfriend (actually fiancée) and I decided to go on a picnic. It was the middle of the week so the state park we chose was nearly deserted. There was a small river that flowed through the park that people used for canoing. My girlfriend decided to swim in the river while I waded in not too far from shore (I cannot swim). My girlfriend was a fairly far away and had not noticed I had waded in a little too far. As a canoe passed my position, a wave took hold of me and swept me to a deeper part of the river. Looking back, I estimate I was in about 10 feet of water. Being 5'-7" and not being able to swim, that's a problem. I got my head above water a couple of times but was quickly losing the battle. I sank to the bottom of the river and gave up. I accepted death, my own death, and breathed in my first breath full of river water as I laid spreadeagled on the bottom of the river. Breathing in the river water hurt, so I decided to hold off as long as I could. I don't know how long I laid like that. It seemed like an eternity laying there on the bottom of the river, waiting for death, but then a strange thing happened. Something outside of myself started moving my arms and legs, and I started to crawl - slowly crawl on all fours. I sort of marveled at what was happening and took another breath of river water, my second. It hurt more than the first. But my body continued to crawl, seemingly on its own, I still didn't expect to escape death. I wasn't sure what was happening, just that I didn't have any fear, just peace. As I continued to crawl, I took in my third breath of river water, my lungs were really in a lot of pain.

Then a marvelous thing happened. My head broke the surface of the river and I crawled to shore where I coughed-up the river water I took in. At that moment on shore, I knew God had saved me, but why? For what purpose? I didn't know. Unbeknown to me, my girlfriend had gotten tangled up in a dead tree in the middle of the river. Although she could see I was in serious trouble, she was unable to help.

My throat and sinuses hurt from the river water. I tried to explain to my girlfriend what had happened but she just didn't understand. She finally hit me. I suppose she was trying to knock some "sense" in me. So I told no one what happened after that, except once about 18 years ago. More about that later. My fiancée and I eventually broke up and she married someone else on the day we picked for our wedding. So it goes.

I had drowning nightmares for years, and chills would go up my spine when I drove over certain types of bridges, especially in outside lanes. I tried to figure out what God wanted me for, why he even wanted me, and started reading the Bible. I started at the beginning (bad idea) and got bogged down in Numbers. Without God's purpose for my life and breaking up with my fiancée, I had my worse semester of college ever getting 1.75 GPA.

Everything happens for a reason, a purpose, God's purpose for our lives.

When I wrote about this on another Christian forum about two years ago, it was still very difficult for me to write. The response I received made me more willing to share this part of my life. The only other time I wrote about this, or even told anybody about this, I was met with silence. I think I'd rather have disbelief or called a liar more than silence. Anyway, it was ten years between my drowning and my salvation. A lot happened in those ten years, but it all brought me to Him. That was His plan all along. Praise God.

There's more to tell, but I'll save that for future Blog entries.

A few weeks ago, I tried to find out what happened to my high school / college girlfriend / fiancée mentioned above. She threatened my life a few times, tried to commit suicide, spent a little time in a psych ward (this is all while we were together), possibly stalked my parents (after I broke up with her), and I wanted to see how she was, what kind of life she had with the "boy" next door she married on the date we were supposed to get married.

From a Google search, I found out she died eight years ago. I was shocked. I don't know any details but I did see a photograph of her cemetery marker. She evidentially went back to her maiden name. And that's all I know. I don't understand my reaction though. I mean, I'm a sensitive guy. My eyes water watching Die Hard, Fistful of Dollars, or a well done beer commercial. I cried for my dogs (some of whom are now gone) and routinely cry for my wife for what she's going through health-wise. But I didn't feel anything. What love I felt once was truly gone. She never found out what happened to me and I don't know what happened to her. I guess it's best that way. I hope she was saved but I have no way knowing.