Although I have grown up in a Christian household, it never touched me until I was 17. When it did it was like a cloud had lifted, everything seemed to make sense and I had an overwhelming feeling of peace and protection.

I started reading the bible, going to church and talked passionately about my faith, constantly asking questions to those around me. However, to my family, who were very traditional, this sudden change was worrying. For them, having faith was having faith silently, never expressing your love for god in public and always reflecting quietly without the help of others. But for me, I wanted more than that. I wanted to be able to sing about it, shout about it, but most of all talk about it without being made to feel ashamed. Over time I learnt to suppress my desires of expression in order to please my family, and eventually began to even deny my faith, and although I always continued to have faith, to others it was a phase of my life and I spoke little of religion as a whole.

At 19, I went to University in Plymouth. In the first year, not knowing my housemates all that well and who to trust, I kept myself at a distance, always keeping those closest to me at arms length, something which I've done my whole life. Then in the second year things changed. I became incredibly close to my friends, and realised I could trust them with my life. I started going to church again, but kept it from my family for a long time, started reading the bible, listening to christian music until eventually I even started having open conversation about my beliefs. I was fortunate to have someone close to me who was also christian. I admired his unwavering faith and truly believe God brought us together so he could help me grow as a christian. Although we have some fundamental differences of opinion, he was my rock and my strength and I will never forget how God provided my with a guide when I needed it most.

After some time I told my parents about going to church and my development as a christian. They sincerely regretted the way they handled the situation when I was younger, and as I was older and wiser they trusted me and learnt to accept my faith, though very different from their own. In truth I was surprised by the repsonse of those around me when I told them I was christian. All my friends, from home and University, seemed accept it, though they may not have understood the sudden change, and as I grew confident in my Chrisitianity so I continued to tell more and more people until I finally felt like it was part of my life.

Then unexpectedly, two of my closest friends began to judge me. Though they did not mean to hurt me, and still probably don't know that they did, they continuing made comments and remarks about my chrisitianity, and suddenly it was like I was 17 again.

This is why I am writing here now, to publicly declare that this time will be different. With regards to those two friends, my faith around will most likely change, I do not have to confidence to be steadfast in my faith. I will be polite but keep my answers to a minimum when they ask about church and will negate the progress I had made, both as a person and as a christian, that was clearly far too good to be true. However, this time I will not turn my back on God. I will not deny him when people ask and I will not change who I am to suit the needs of others. I denied God for so long yet he never denied me. He guided me back to him when I needed it most and for that I will forever be at his mercy.

I am not like other Chrisitans I know. When I go to church I turn up at the very beginning of service and leave as soon as it finishes, rejecting the possibility to meet others. I do not have a solid Chrisitian support system around me, my family don't understand my faith and my friends don't have faith. My only support is my friend, my guide, but he is just one man, and of course God will never leave me, because of this I will always be lonely in faith but never alone.