blessestohonorGod

i think i hate everything right now. i cant trust anyone. nothing ever works out for me. no one ever stays. they all leave. all of them. i feel like i am on this sinking ship which is going down all the way down. i hate myself today. i'm just gone.

blessestohonorgod

blessestohonorGod

theres so much to this journey, all i see now is twists and turns. twists as to where i would be had i not took that turn and turns from my current situation. do i stay on this road or do i left it for the comfort of another's arms? how i look back over just two weeks or more ago and in my mind made the decison for healing and in making that my world has turned upside down.

blessestohonorgod

blessestohonorGod

i guess i think of my blog as my friend although it doesnt talk back. i dont want it to talk back today.
i feel so alone in this struggle alot. dont feel like i can even turn to christian friends. i dont even understand my own heart. what was it, a two weeks ago when in church we put all of our sins on this piece of paper and puff, they were supposed to be all gone. i wasnt supposed to have to deal with sexual attractions and stuff. and i wasnt supposed to feel like if this wasnt wrong...

blessestohonorGod

i'm listening to a CD called 'freedom, a journey from brokenness to wholeness'. and i got the CD about three weeks ago, which is when I finally decided to do something about my past, the abuse and issues that flow from that abuse. every time i look back on my life, i still see a lot of holes, where i am supposed to be. by that i mean, gaps in my memory and part of my childhood just as if i didnt exist.
i love to write. sometimes i think its not good for me because then, i become too...

blessestohonorGod

i wonder if you can make your blog so that no one sees it. that way i can be honest in here with my thoughts. i dont know why i would want to be, i guess its just sort of my space.
its hard being on this forum. i dont know why i feel that way. i think that christians, even though we believe the same? they still give each other a hard time, and are harsh at times. i guess we are all still human with our faults and not perfect.

blesses

blessestohonorGod