It has been a couple of days and Im ready to blog it now. This one was the hardest for me to get over and Im still working on it.
Thursday evening while driving to my parents house to pick up my DD, I passed my brother walking the kids home from the park (his twins and my DD). They were facing traffic, there was a truck comming at them and a car behind me, so I just waved at my brother, my DD was in the ditch beside him until he pointed me out then she ran around him into the road and almost got hit by the truck. I was fumming!
So when they reached my parents house I told my DD "don't you ever for any reason run into the road again, you could have gotten hit." So my brother snaps back....well she just doesn't listen (shes 4) so I told him that he obviously took more children than he could control. I wasn't being mean about it or anything but if you cant control that man than its too much simple as that right?. Then he said well than I just won't take her anymore. Fine I would rather you not take her and her be safe than you take her and she dies from getting hit by a truck.
Well on his way into the house (holding his baby) he says to me don't you ever F-ing talk to me that way. o I asked or what? He come back out of the house and shoves me, well Im right handed and smoking a sigarette and I punched him, he got burned and ran to my dad whom was sanding there on the portch yelling knock it off....knock it off. When dad didn't defend him he went into the house and then came back out and slapped me in the face.
Well what he failed to realize was that A. Im out of the house so dad can't ground me, or spank me, or punish me. and B. Im not just going to stand there and let him push me around any more, I don't have to take it so I punched him and punched and punched, and at some point I realized hes gone. Im not sure if my dad stepped in and pulled me off him or if he walked away or what exactly happend all I know is that I wasn't going to stop.
You see when he was little (Im talking 2) he used to chase us girls around the house with butcher knives, hatchets, whatever he could get his hands on. We would either have to lock ourselves into our rooms or send somone out the back door so they could go around the front and grab the weapon from behind. If we ever laid a hand on him it was hell to pay, B was dads special child and we were never to touch him, well the rules now changed and I don't think he was expecting what he got. I think he was expecting my dad to stop me.
URRRRR why does he push me this far? When he reached high school age he calmed down and was fun. I thought we were buds, we had fun together, when I took him up to see his babies just months before, we always restled together, we had fun until resently....I just don't get it. I feel horrible, like a bad Christian, Im sure I ruined my witness to him but what else was I supposed to do? At what point was he going to stop?
Now every time I go there I get all anxious, I feel like I have to watch ever little thing I do or say because I might offend him or something. I feel like Im walking on egg shells. I hate that feeling, I hate feeling trapped and no knowing what to expect. And I get the lovely privelage of going over there tonight to pick my DD up....I can't wait till my grandparents get back. I really miss them