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I was tired of feeling in human, of the raging anger and the unability to control it, so I got a psyc, come to find out she was just a counsoler. I had to drive to another town becuase she was the only one who curved based on income. All she wanted to do was discuss the use of anti depressants. This is where it always went with dr.'s and the same ol same ol here too. I told her that they make me rage more and sometimes I can't remember the rage or the reason, or even what I did, I told her this...

dark struggle

RK is long gone but the guilt and shame and hurt is still here for me to deal with no matter how much I try to forget about it, and one Day a lady named Terry wanted to know why I hated him so bad and I told her I didn't really want to discuss this with her so she told me than mabe I should just move on....is this what she tells rape vicims, just move on?....I know I wasn't raped per se but whatever.
I continued on serving at church, continued doing the sound and the powerpoint. Terry used...

dark struggle

I went to church that sunday and guess who walks in RK and his gf. He took one look at me ( I was in the sound boothe) and then he grabbed her hand and they turned to take their seats. I couldn't help it but the tears just started streaming down my face I tried to hold them back, and there again was that lump in my throught that hurst so bad, you know the one that comes when your trying to fight back tears. Well my friend at the time asked what was wrong and I told him all about it, mind you my...

dark struggle

I was working two jobs one during the day and the other as a hostess on graveyard. I was up all day with DD because she wouldn't take naps just cry the only time she wouldn't cry is when hubby was home and she then wouldn't make a whimper. DH came home around 5 so that gave me 4 hours to sleep before heading to the other job only he wouldn't let me sleep if she needed a bottle it was can you make a bottle and if it was diaper change time well guess who did that if she was crying and needed burped...

dark struggle

I loved RK with every fiber of my being and I prayed every night that he could love someone like me the same way I even prayed that one day I would be worthy enough to be his wife. Well I lost my previouse job as a sub professional at subway and ended up at the theaters, and loved that job, late night ride home can make it real easy to sneak over to his place for an hour or so and drink coffee and watch a movie or something, I so enjoyed every minute of my time with him I felt loved and real....

dark struggle