I don't believe God put together this amazing Creation of His to "bring us down"; to provide temptations meant to harm us. Yet for some His Creation~ due to our own sinful natures~ can use His Creation to harm themselves. Many of us, Christians, hide away this little known fact of ourselves-- having an addiction that will not go away very easily. The saddest part, I believe, of having such an addiction is that we think we can keep it away from Christ.

For the last 3-4 years, I've been keenly aware of my weight going up and up. Before graduating high school, I was around 140 lbs, which for my weight is borderline normal/skinny. Going off to college brought a large amount of stress, which someone like myself who deals with depression and anxiety can make it worse, while at the same time allowing me to have unlimited resources to food (my meal plan included a buffet dining hall which I could go to 3 times a day). I have no one, but myself, to blame for my eating habits~ forget the "Freshman 15" mine was the "4 Years of College 50"! I left college weighing in around 190 lbs and three years later I was hitting close to 200 lbs.

Why did that happen to me?

First: I let it happen. I was keenly aware of every piece of food coming in to my body. Even when I would eat and distract myself with watching TV, being on the computer, etc, I knew exactly what I was doing to my body.

Second: I allowed food to be my comfort instead of relying on the world's greatest Comforter, Jesus Christ. I was stressed, dealing with the issues of depression, and overly anxious about the tasks I had to complete in life. I distracted myself by eating, I comforted myself by eating, and then when I had a fully belly, I was so exhausted I would simply sleep allowing me to not have to deal with whatever it was in my life.

Third: I hide this addiction from everybody. I still do it because I'm ashamed I have this problem. I don't think most of my family members~ as much as they love me~ would understand it or appreciate me admitting this to them. My husband is aware of the situation and does all he can to help me with this struggle-- but I am ever mindful that this is MY struggle, not his.

But when you can get food easily and hide yourself while eating, it's an easy addiction to give into. At work, no problem-- I can go all day without eating. But if I keep snacks in my desk and I'm by myself, munch munch munch, even if I'm not hungry. At home, its easy when nobody is around and I have a habit of eating my bedroom~ something that I started doing as a teen.

So if I started this walk 3-4 years ago, where I am today? I have some tools in place~ which I can write about later~ that I can use when I want to eat for all the wrong reasons. I've lost 20 lbs a few months ago and gained by 10 lbs by not being mindful of my eating. So I know I can eat healthfully and not over stuff myself and lose weight~ I just have to be mindful of it.

I thought I could use my CF blog-- now that I will be around much more often-- to share my progress. I know I will have days where I fail, but Lord willing I will be blessed with a new day to try again. It's all about giving up this addiction to Christ and being mindful of eating.

If any reader who comes across this has an addiction-- food wise or anything else-- please reach out and get the help you need. You do not need to accomplish this by yourself (I don't!), but you do need to share your need with someone.