I believe most people look back on their prior year to set their resolutions for the new year. It only makes sense--- how do you know what you need to work on unless you actually look at your past and present.

With the economy still being slow and people in our lives needing more support than ever before, I've been really tempted to go through each part of my life and see where I can either discard something, add something, or keep whatever it is that I'm doing the same. I've gone through, literally, every room in my apartment and decided I what I could do, I've prayed through every part of my life and I'm trying to listen to what God wants me to do.

Here's what I've found out so far...

1. Money (Debts):

Currently my fiance and I are planning for our July wedding. We do not want a lavish wedding, but we have chosen to have a reception hall take care of majority of the details (we decided for a Thursday wedding to save money and my Mom is making most of the wedding items herself-- the Lord blessed me with an amazingly creative mother). But we still need to also purchase my dress ($450 and then all the extras), our rings (we're trying to spend no more than $800 on the wedding rings), favors, limo, gifts for the wedding party, and whatever little details else are "needed".

Besides the wedding debts, this year put us into some not-so-great credit card debt. We took a wonderful vacation to Disney World, where we stayed with my childhood best friend and her hubby and son. I do not honestly regret spending the amount of money that we did--- it was just wonderful! We also purchased a bed for ourselves and then whatever else little purchases that came up-- two of which were LARGE purchases of debts that my fiance owed but thankfully we're taking care of them now.

The plan is to put the majority of our income tax returns to the credit card--- then pay off the rest of it in two months. Lord willing, we'll be done with that credit card by April.

Then we have three school loans to take care of. My two loans add up around $17k (down from $26k three years ago) and my fiance is paying off his loan which I believe is around $9k. I've been researching how to take care of debts recently and one person (which a lot of Christians seem to swear by-- I forget the name though) says to use the snowball effect to take care of debts. Pay off the smallest debts first and work your way through the bigger ones. So that's exactly what I'm planning on having us do (after discussing our skills together, I will be taking care of the paper filing system and bill payments ): Credit card debt first, my first smaller loan, his school loan, and then my big school loan. We'll pay each one as needed, but the money that I normally would put toward the credit card debt will then go to the first smaller loan once its paid off. After the smaller loan is done, then we'll pay his school loan off, and once that is done, we'll tackle my bigger school loan. I know it will take a few years to do (my big school loan is suppose to take 10 years to pay off if I just pay the regular payments), but its a blessing to have a plan in place.

We still need to discuss what to do when we decide to buy a house, but I know the Lord will bless us with wisdom when we come to cross that path.

2. Money (Giving):

Some Christians swear by giving 10% of their income to charities. Others say that there is no Biblical teaching that you have to give 10%--- the verse is originally mentioned in the Old Testament = Old Covenant.

I tend to hold true to the teaching that you give what you can. If there's no way you could afford 10%, that's not a big deal: give what you can. If you can afford 20% then that's how much you should be giving, but if you can only afford 1% you still are NOT sinning.

What I think people need to realize is that the Church begins at home. Our families are the most fundamental part of the whole Church. Paying attention to our debts, how we're helping our family members and close friends out with support, and saving for our retirement can be viewed as charity acts: these acts can be viewed as acts of love and of responsibility. This is why I feel so called to take care of my debts, offer assistance to my family when they need it, and provide food or money to my community charities (foodbanks, Goodwill, etc). Start at home or in your close community first. God has placed you in your particular location for a reason.

My parish is currently going through a financial crisis-- the weekly donations are adding up to less than $2400 when it takes almost $7000 a week to run the parish. There are other fund raising activities, but our church is just not covering the bulk of its costs. I don't believe we should wait for our church (or fellowship group) to ever get to this point to think about how much we're giving, but we should make resolution to truly search our hearts and decide if we are giving as much as we can. Even if we decided to eat out two times less a month that could add up from $20 to $100 and what a blessing that amount of money could do for your church.

Here's my new plan for giving this year:
I know for a fact that we can afford $30 a week, so we give that amount. If its a week where there's a special collection (heating, diocese collection, ministry collection), I give $20-- trusting in God to help me cover my other costs that month, no matter what.

The last week of every month, I take a look at how much I have left over in my checking account. I determine what payments I still have to make (I don't want to bring more debt to my family) and then I can make a larger donation that week. I then receive my monthly check on the first and I start over again.

3. Marriage:

While my fiance and I have been living together for almost a year, we both know our current living situation will not be the same after we are married. Marriage is not just slapping on a label--- we both must assume our roles as husband and wife, understand our adult responsibilities, and prepare ourselves for any children that the Lord may bless us with.

We will soon be meeting with our priest to discuss marital topics, as well as, our Pre-Cana workshop, FOCCUS Inventory, another marriage workshop, and perhaps a Natural Family Planning (NFP) workshop too. But the marriage is not developed through workshops and meetings with priests, necessarily, so we've begun our at-home studies of marriage. (And honestly I almost want to jump for joy at what we've been blessed with since starting this )

First, we armed ourselves with some good Christian resources:
The Five Love Languages
The Marriage You've Always Wanted
The Marriage You've Always Wanted Bible Study
Things I wished I'd Known Before We got Married
The Power of a Praying Husband
The Power of a Praying Wife
The Power of Prayer to Change Your Marriage

We are slowly reading through each of these books together-- even if one of them is meant for the husband or for the wife. Our evenings before bed are filled with us quietly listening to the other read a chapter from the books, discussing what it has said, and praying. HUSBANDS AND WIVES SHOULD ALWAYS PRAY TOGETHER! This a truly wonderful blessing from God to have this.

Slowly, I've been seeing God change my fiance into a wonderful godly man. While he has been a Christian for a long time now, only recently have we been able to pray together and he recently offered to put together a Bible study for us to do! I've always prayed God would bless me with a husband who would feel called to guide our family as the head of the household and head of the spiritual life in our family. It hasn't been easy for my fiance to assume his position, but with prayer, encouragement from me, and our readings, I think he's ready and willing now.

So what have I left behind? I think my biggest thing is that I stopped being my fiance's mother. I told him (after he read it in a book) that I do not want to be his mother-- I do not want to tell him what he'll do that day, what chores he needs to complete, what I expect of him, and how to live his faith. As my husband, he should be guiding our family--- our daily activities, our Bible studies, our prayer time, etc. We now work as a pair with completing tasks-- whether its shopping, cleaning the kitchen, folding laundry, etc. Because I tend to work longer days than he does, I will ask him to complete one or two tasks, but I've stopped complaining about the quality of his work or that he didn't decide to do anything extra besides those two things. Why? Because, plainly, it was not loving of me. Search your heart--- because you can only change YOURSELF.

What do you need to give up in order to be more loving individual? Stop saying "Nothing, I'm perfect!" because 1. you're not, 2. you might just be surprised what your significant other needs from you. Search what he or she needs from you and see if it something that you can do (a reminder: you can only change YOURSELF).

4. Giving Up (Materials):

Plainly put: you do not need 75% of the stuff you own or buy. Let me speak of my own life:

1. I don't need to stop at DnD or Starbucks to purchase coffee. I can make it at home for much cheaper and put it in a reusable cup. (Money saved: $15 a week, at least)

2. I don't need to go out every weekend and randomly shop. I will probably just end up buying something I really don't need. If I do go out, I will write a list of what I need. If I see something I like, I won't pick it up, but I'll wait 15 minutes and see if I still need it "that badly". (Money saved: Lots, depending on your shopping habits. Plus you can usually find better deals online.)

3. My sinful self loves having shoes, new clothes, jewelry, purses, perfume, lotions, etc etc etc. But none of these items will get me into heaven or help another person out. I have 3 pairs of work pants, with enough tops to make a million different outfits (not including skirts too). As a teacher, nobody judges me based on what I'm wearing that day but how well I'm teaching. I'm guessing its probably the same for most working adults. You do not need a new wardrobe every month--- buy shoes when the ones you have wear out (when they hurt your feet or are looking well worn), for example. (Savings: probably a couple hundred a month)

4. TV: You don't need it. I have the internet and can find almost anything I want to through Netflix, Hulu, or sites that have TV feeds running. Save yourself $50- $100 a month and find it for free. You probably don't watch TV enough to waste that money and there are healthier things to do (like prayer or exercise) than watching it.

5. Food: Buy yourself some nice cooking tools (rice cooker, slow cooker, pots, pans, etc)-- this is an excellent investment. Buy raw food (uncooked rice, veggies, fruit, canned fruit and veggies, meat, etc). Find FREE recipes online and ta da you have saved yourself $10-$20 a meal by cooking it yourself. My Christmas gift to myself was a slow cooker recipe book (on sale) and a Cook This-Not That book for my fiance. Great investments--- we probably save a couple hundred dollars a month by doing most of our cooking. If you're not sure how much you're spending, go through your bank statement and add it up. Two months ago I was spending (just me, not even my fiance's purchases either) $350, one month ago I spent $175, and this month I've spent less than $100-- keep tack and save yourself a lot of money.