R.I.P Mom
Posted 14th May 2008 at 12:46 PM by freedomnchrist
I know it sounds like a cliche, but I wish I could turn back time. We take things for granted...and then they are gone.
My mom, who had been healthy every day of her life, was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis at the tender age of 46. She died three years later.
I have not yet cried nor mourned...I have simply remembered.
We were never close like most mother and daughters. I do not remember her loving on me much...but as I think back. I don't think she really knew how. I was a product of a difficult marriage...and thus reminded her of my father.
She did however, provide for me a home where I was taken care of...and taught me about Jesus.
I can never remember a morning where she was not up at the crack of dawn reading her Bible. Jesus was her best friend...her lover if you will. She had faith like I had never seen before. Sometimes a little much at times...but I think it was simply a desperate attempt to have some normalcy in an un-normal family.
She tried so very hard....and out of 4 daughters...I am the only believer.
Multiple Sclerosis showed her no mercy. It killed her in three years. If she had had her sanity about her...she would have been humiliated. This is the most caring gift God gave her at the time. She had no clue what was going on.
The last time I saw her...she was in a state nursing home. 49 years old and surrounded by people twice her age. The place reeked as the sewer pipes had busted only days before.
I will never forget that smell.
The family had purchased her a small T.v in which the movie "The Sound of Music played over and over. She loved that movie...and even as she laid dying on that bed....she sang along with it.
I wonder sometimes if she ever reached a happy place here on earth. She was such a controlling person at times...but due to a dysfunctional family only.
I have yet to figure out what this whole experience means. I am the oldest sister...and the black sheep. I am the one that does not fit in...so I have no clue how I will share the good news with them. I know this is what my mother would have wanted....and I pray Jesus gives me the strength and wisdom to carry it out.
Mom....I love you...and I always have. If you were here...I would hug you...like I wanted to do in that nursing home.
I hope you were proud of me....I hope you loved me. I tried so hard....I just wanted you to accept me for who I was.
Rest in Peace mother...and give Jesus a hug for me.
My mom, who had been healthy every day of her life, was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis at the tender age of 46. She died three years later.
I have not yet cried nor mourned...I have simply remembered.
We were never close like most mother and daughters. I do not remember her loving on me much...but as I think back. I don't think she really knew how. I was a product of a difficult marriage...and thus reminded her of my father.
She did however, provide for me a home where I was taken care of...and taught me about Jesus.
I can never remember a morning where she was not up at the crack of dawn reading her Bible. Jesus was her best friend...her lover if you will. She had faith like I had never seen before. Sometimes a little much at times...but I think it was simply a desperate attempt to have some normalcy in an un-normal family.
She tried so very hard....and out of 4 daughters...I am the only believer.
Multiple Sclerosis showed her no mercy. It killed her in three years. If she had had her sanity about her...she would have been humiliated. This is the most caring gift God gave her at the time. She had no clue what was going on.
The last time I saw her...she was in a state nursing home. 49 years old and surrounded by people twice her age. The place reeked as the sewer pipes had busted only days before.
I will never forget that smell.
The family had purchased her a small T.v in which the movie "The Sound of Music played over and over. She loved that movie...and even as she laid dying on that bed....she sang along with it.
I wonder sometimes if she ever reached a happy place here on earth. She was such a controlling person at times...but due to a dysfunctional family only.
I have yet to figure out what this whole experience means. I am the oldest sister...and the black sheep. I am the one that does not fit in...so I have no clue how I will share the good news with them. I know this is what my mother would have wanted....and I pray Jesus gives me the strength and wisdom to carry it out.
Mom....I love you...and I always have. If you were here...I would hug you...like I wanted to do in that nursing home.
I hope you were proud of me....I hope you loved me. I tried so hard....I just wanted you to accept me for who I was.
Rest in Peace mother...and give Jesus a hug for me.
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Comments
 |   Mom and my sister Jessica.  Mom and my sisters.  My sisters and I at her grave. Notice I wore colors...not black.  |
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| | My sisters are coming down to visit my grandmother in June. I have tried several times to get them to come and see me...but they say they are going to be too busy or only can visit for one day. But yet they are going to be at their grandmothers for one week. They want to see my daughter....but not me. Oh well....I guess they will need me someday. I pray that I can be of help when they do. I wish they would need me though. I would love to have a relationship with them. To go shopping...cook...just do stuff. I am 30...they are 27, 24 and 22...so we are not getting any younger. Maybe with time they wil. I left home when I was 17....so they see me as running out.....which I didn't. So they have no respect for me. Oh well. God has a plan...I just have to trust in Him. |
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