My nose hurts. Not the skin and bones, but the cartilage. She hit me. Punched me right in the nose...and in other places. Her anger at two decades of wrongs done against her came out explosively against ME, the one who has never done her wrong. It itches a lot. I scratch it. And tears well up in my eyes without warning. Even writing it has that same effect. But it's not the pain that causes this to happen. Not MY pain, anyway.

Nail me to my Cross. Take all of your anger out on me. Hit me time and time again until you feel satisfied, relieved, released...vindicated. It doesn't matter that I am innocent. It doesn't matter that what sparked your anger is only me telling you the truth in love. In love...

I used to be that towards her...so in love. But living with her for a month and then losing her back to the sway of darkness has left a bitter taste in my mouth. It's hard to be romantic with someone you know does not want you. But she does. Underneath that facade of uncaring, cold sympathy is a heart burning with passion for me. Oh but I can't say that, now, can I? People will say I'm crazy, will call me delusional, a real nutjob. It doesn't matter that I've seen it time and time again. That I'm the only man who has ever treated her with decency and respect, treated her like a princess, no, a queen! It doesn't matter that she moved in with me because God told her to in a dream.

So who's the dummy now? I did not lose her. I TRAINED her! Then God sent her back out to put to good use what I taught her. Now He's sending ME out, to Hawaii, of all places. I have a friend there who is walking along the same path as I and he has invited me to stay with him for a time. This is gonna be good.

I keep telling her, "Don't worry about moving and don't worry about me coming back or not. I promise you, I WILL find you!" She's scared of me leaving. I've had to tell her that I'm not leaving her, that I'm just going on an extended "road trip"...even though there's no roads leading to Hawaii . And I just realized as I'm writing that God is doing the same thing with me and has been telling me for several weeks the same thing that I have been telling her for the last several days, "Son, go forward. Don't worry about where you end up or when or why. I WILL find you!" Oh my God...what an amazing allegory. I WILL find you...I will. Sweet merciful Lord...how could You ever be so good to me?

I feel sore, tired, achy...and I want my wife. His promises, they fail me not. His promises, they fail me not.