About Me

I feel in my heart that what I want is a boyfriend. But I know that wont solve what's really bothering me. I want to be loved. But not by myself. And not by God. but it just seems that in the ways that I try to reach out to someone else, it backfires and leaves me with an even greater sense of being alone.

The loneliness I feel, to a great degree, is my own fault. I push people away by my own reclusiveness. But in an odd sense, I also believe that God is allowing me to...

rita727

!@*$&@!
I was doing so well beforehand. But I'm grateful I didnt gain as badly as I thought.
So this whole week's gonna be damage control: I cant let my feelings control me this time. I cant let feeling depressed because of all this tension get me another time. If I gotta suffer--and I probably will-- then I need to go the full distance, before I finally see the numbers I want so badly.

rita727

The fish, of course, are men, or in this case high school to college aged women:

I answered a popular blog question on another site: "What do you think happens after we die?"

A few people answered a similiarly to how I would have. I was scared to put down how I really felt on this big website, in case I'd get verbally flogged or something . But, somehow, by some Some Strength, I typed it down. At first, I expected my subscribers to leave nasty remarks or...

rita727

Last week, I made some dumb decisions regarding food. For 3 days. And consequently I gained 5 lbs. But after damage control, I've lost all of that +1. Now I'm 2 lbs away from my next goal. And 7 lbs altogether from my current ultimate goal. Feels good.

If I can focus, for say, another 5 days. (Or realistically at least 3 days), I should be able to achieve that next goal.

Yesterday, one of my friends complimented me: "You look great! Not that you didnt look...

rita727

I'm roughly 8 lbs away from my goal weight. It's amazing--and scary. I'm so close. But surprisingly I dont look the way I imagined I would. I'm excited to start weight training, but now I'm nervous because muscle weighs more, and I dont want to somehow add the weight I just tried to get off. As dumb as that is.

Maybe I'll start once I actually accomplish my goal. Or maybe I'll lose another 10 lbs---just cause I can--and then start.

All I know is....

rita727