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Autism, Self-Esteem, Porn abuse, and HOCD: Where to from here? Part 6

Posted 4th April 2015 at 11:07 PM by softspokenLamb
While I accept that recovery is going to be rough, and I realize now that my fears were God's way of letting me know that creating emotional connections with a cheap, artificial imitation of physical intimacy has consequences, and that true peace for anyone can be found only in the love of God's Son, a healthy respect for the wages of sin and the unyielding weight of God's Law, other, unforeseen happenings have taken place. The spikes are mostly gone, and the pain in my chest has subsided, but I'm...
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Jesus Forgives, Forgave, and will Forgive.
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Autism, Self-Esteem, Porn Abuse, and HOCD: Where to from here? Part 5

Posted 4th April 2015 at 11:07 PM by softspokenLamb
I wasn't in a good place. I'm still not, in some ways, but now it might be worse in some respects.
Eventually, in one of my frantic web searches after an equally frantic masturbation session (you'd think I'd have learned after this, wouldn't you?), I came across a term I had never heard of before: Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or HOCD. The idea seemed a little sketchy to me. What if it was just a placebo term for those who weren't ready to come out yet? But as I read a few of...
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Jesus Forgives, Forgave, and will Forgive.
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Autism, Self Esteem, Porn Abuse, and HOCD: Where to from here? Part 4

Posted 4th April 2015 at 11:07 PM by softspokenLamb
From there, without a Christian friend I could trust myself to talk to without feeling incredibly awkward around, I fell into spending more time with the people in my acting classes. Eventually, I grew numb to all their sinful behaviors, even though I never participated. It wasn't like my moral high ground was there anymore. A pair of former Christians who were now living together in every sense of the word, a couple "Catholic" girls who either hit the weed or slept around because they...
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Jesus Forgives, Forgave, and will Forgive.
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Autism, Self Esteem, Porn Abuse, and HOCD: Where to from here? Part 3

Posted 4th April 2015 at 11:06 PM by softspokenLamb
We're about to get into the crux of my situation right now, so thank you for bearing with me. I've been using these posts to remind myself of the truth of what I've been through, and not the version my mind has been torturing me with for the past few months.
Anyway, I had just gotten out of high school, and now everything was seen through the haze of porn. On the plus side, I wasn't as scared of interacting with women anymore. On the downside, my respect for myself and for women was pretty...
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Jesus Forgives, Forgave, and will Forgive.
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Autism, Self Esteem, Porn Abuse, and HOCD: Where to from here? Part 2

Posted 4th April 2015 at 11:06 PM by softspokenLamb
After that, things began picking up very quickly. I started working around my insecurities and applying myself more. I started saving more money, started driving school, and began basically picking up the slack. The things we men do for girls, right?
I asked Tiffany to give me time to think it over before committing. I mean, she was about to be my first girlfriend, I was nervous, we had only known each other a few weeks, and I was still autistic. New situation plus big time commitment equals...
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Jesus Forgives, Forgave, and will Forgive.
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